Not a given

I was just reading this article on HuffPost, about women in their 30s and their take on being single/unmarried. One of the women made a comment that really spoke to me–she learned that being married “wasn’t a given,” although she grew up and lived most of her life assuming that it was.

I think this is something a lot of people assume by default. We see so many people married when we’re young, and so many people ask us about dating and it’s just such an ingrained part of society–why wouldn’t it happen to us? Everyone does it; it’ll happen for you eventually.

I think this kind of thinking is really unproductive, and it’s something that a lot of young people think today, too. Most millennials I know have the attitude of “it’s not that I don’t want marriage; I just want to focus on my career first and then find a partner.” Which is fine, but that’s like saying, “I just want to focus on being a student first and then find a job.” Young people go after their careers so vigorously and with such determination because they know the odds are not in their favor, and they know that a job they love isn’t a given. They know that it’s something they need to work toward and something they need to seek out for themselves; it’s not something that just “happens to everyone.” So while they’re young, they start thinking about what kind of career they want. When they’re teenagers, they start exploring their interests. When they’re in college, they look for internships and jobs. Their entire life is made up of small steps taken to work their way up to that dream career. It’s not something they think about after focusing on something else; it sits there at the back of their mind, no matter what stage of life they’re in. It influences their decisions. It’s a big deal.

Well, finding a partner (whether a spouse or just a long-term partner) isn’t something that just “happens to everyone.” I don’t know if it’s just that people these days don’t really care about finding a partner or if they still have the mentality that “it’ll happen at the right time.” But if finding a partner is important, I don’t think it’s wrong to actively pursue that. I think it’s really the only logical option if that’s a goal of yours. If it’s what you want, you can’t actively wait till it falls in your lap; you have to go after it and work towards it, the same as you would any other goal. If it’s something you’d ultimately want, why wouldn’t you live your life trying to grow into the type of person you think is worthy of a great partner? Why wouldn’t you make decisions that go towards becoming the person you want to be in order to be a great partner to someone else? Why wouldn’t you work on figuring out what you want and meeting people you think you could get along with? I get that a great career is a part of preparing yourself to be a great partner, by being someone who can contribute to society in a valuable way and be financially ready to support a partner and family–but pursuing only a career thinking that a partner will naturally follow is doing only half the work.

Furthermore, if you meet a great person, but you happen to be young, why would you throw that away just because you think “the timing is off” or “you’re too young”? You can’t control when the right person comes into your life, but you can control how you react to that. If you were young and someone offered you the right career, would you not take it? Would you not realize that opportunities like that don’t come often, if ever, so you’d jump at the chance at something that really isn’t guaranteed to anyone? It’s the same with finding a partner. People treat this aspect of their life as something that they can just go back to if all else doesn’t work out, rather than as something that is rare and not guaranteed. People are too eager to risk not having a partner if all other aspects of their life are not perfect yet, rather than take the plunge and risk having to work a little harder to make all those other aspects of their life work. I see people cross oceans in their early 20s in order to take a job; I only see people accommodate a partner because they fit into their lives and won’t have to make that many adjustments. I wish more people would accommodate partners the same way they do their dream jobs. If it’s that important, it wouldn’t be such a challenge to do so. People these days are too focused on themselves; there isn’t enough focus on others–and I think the root of it is just fear of getting hurt and fear of change. It’s great to live your life for yourself, but if that were the key to happiness then more people would actually be happy. I think people have convinced themselves that they’re happy being single and not having to share the bed and being able to jump on a plane and go anywhere they want….but if they truly were happy, they wouldn’t need to write articles proving why their lives are so much better than those of married people, or people who are in long-term partnerships. I don’t know. Maybe that’s just me. But I think it takes guts to admit that yes, you do want to find a partner because you do think it would make you happy. People these days are pretty slow to admit that, but I think it’s something a lot of people still think. I think most people just learn to be content with being single, but if given the choice, I’m sure they’d choose differently. Maybe I’m wrong though; what do I know?


Divergent Inspired Look – Amity

Divergent Inspired Look - Amity Redone


Unlike the Candor look I created in 2014, the Amity look I created in 2014 was probably my least favorite. I wanted to create something that was easy and light, because that seemed in line with the Amity characteristics, but the look just felt all over the place and not really sophisticated. I really love this redone Amity look, and it is actually one of my favorites and something I would definitely wear. For this redone Amity look, I wanted to keep that same easy, flowy feel–so I immediately thought of a breezy dress in yellow, since Amity wear yellow and red. I thought a burgundy bucket bag complemented the silhouette of the dress perfectly, and it worked quite well with the shade of yellow. I added a tan leather jacket and caged stiletto sandals to give a little bit of edge to the look. Finally, I topped off the look with some gold jewelry to reflect the sunny nature of Amity.

Divergent Inspired Look – Candor

Divergent Inspired Look - Candor Redone
I’ll be honest…I really loved the Candor look I created in 2014, and I didn’t really want to fix something that wasn’t broken. I thought the look was really perfect as a chic take on what a Candor would wear. So, I basically copied the look with pieces that were a bit more elevated (although I did use the same leather leggings by Paige, and the same Swarovski ring). Instead of black stiletto pumps, I decided to do a unique boot–I’d been waiting for a good opportunity to use these Louboutin boots I found, and I thought that the sleek silhouette and geometric cutouts were a perfect fit for this Candor look. Black leather leggings, combined with a silk shirt and sleek white blazer, are a perfect, clean combo that reflects the straightforward nature of Candors. Simple jewelry, like this ring and bracelet from Swarovski, add to the clean lines of the look, and I finished off the look with a simple bag with a clean, structured silhouette.

Divergent Inspired Look – Abnegation

Divergent Inspired Look - Abnegation Redone


The Abnegation look I created back in 2014 is another look that I still absolutely love (and would definitely wear!). I love gray skinny jeans, and since Abnegation is a very simple, no-frills faction, I thought gray skinny jeans were the perfect base for this look. For footwear, Rag and Bone booties instantly came to my mind–they’re classy, yet sort of rugged and tough in a really chic way (not sure if that makes sense…). This look is really similar to my previous Abnegation look, so I wanted to change things up a bit by having a fitted top with a really cozy, chunky cardigan–I love the idea of a fitted silhouette under a really loose, cozy piece for Abnegation. Finally, since Abnegation members aren’t allowed jewelry except a watch, I decided to go for a piece that was equally utilitarian and stylish–an Apple watch! These can be glammed up, or kept simple, and they serve multiple purposes. I added some silver stud earrings to add just a touch of glam (and the studs are a subtle nod to Tris’s eventual switch to Dauntless, and Tris’s mother’s Dauntless origins), and a simple tote bag with clean lines. (I own this MK bag, and it is my favorite bag ever! Enough room to throw in everything I need, and the saffiano leather is incredibly resilient.)

Divergent Inspired Look – Erudite

Divergent Inspired Look - Erudite Redone


The Erudite look I created back in 2014 is one that I still really love and would absolutely still wear. It’s a timeless, classic look with some subtle nods to the Erudite faction. Since I was revisiting these looks, I wanted to do something equally classic but more in line with my current style. When I thought of an elegant piece in a navy blue color (the color that Erudites wear), the first thing that came to mind was a jumpsuit or romper in a really flowy, drapey style. I love this sateen romper because it has an easy, flowy silhouette, but the utilitarian/shirt-like details make it a little more edgy. I would definitely wear this romper with the top buttons undone, for a look that’s a little less “done.” In my previous Erudite look, my color palette was definitely warmer, so I wanted to mix things up a bit and go with a cooler color scheme. I chose a gray suede moto jacket to top off the romper, and a nude Christian Louboutin pump to add an elegant touch. I thought a Hermes bag would be perfect for this look, both for the allusion to Greek mythology (perfect for those intellectual Erudites!) and for its classic reputation. I chose a turquoise-y blue to complement the navy romper–it adds a nice pop of color while still remaining within the color palette. To finish off the look, I added some gold and rose gold jewelry. These Chanel eagle earrings are perfect–eagles are a symbol of wisdom and intelligence–and the sapphires on the gold ring add another little pop of blue for Erudite.

Divergent Inspired Look – Dauntless

Divergent Inspired Look - Dauntless Redone (again)

I don’t know why, but I have a lot of fun with creating looks inspired by the factions in the Divergent series, by Veronica Roth. I’ve revisited the looks (it’s actually my third time revisiting the Dauntless look), and am taking a similar approach as before–a chic, modern take on clothing inspired by each faction.
This Dauntless look is definitely my favorite of the bunch. I’m an all black everything girl–more than half of my wardrobe is black, and there’s something about black that just makes me feel so much more chic and put-together. This look is actually something I’d wear on any given day–and I actually own the Citizens jeans featured in this look (LOVE them; SUPER comfortable and fit so well). Those in the Dauntless faction wear black and have a lot of piercings/tattoos, so I took that edgy aesthetic and translated it into something wearable and chic. Valentino rockstuds are what instantly came to my mind for footwear–these boots are the perfect mix of Dauntless and classy. I also instantly thought of the Kendra Scott Naomi ring, which I own in rose gold–one of my friends commented that the ring looks like brass knuckles! It’s definitely a good mix of edgy and elegant, which is perfect for this look. I chose a black suede moto jacket so there wouldn’t be a leather overload–and I think the suede complements the rest of the look perfectly. Finally, I added a subtle ear cuff–I love ear cuffs and think they’re so cool and fitting for a Dauntless-inspired look.